Everlasting Love

So you ever just felt a connection with someone from the first minute you meet them? You just know that this is the person you were meant to find your whole life….Well I found him! He’s a great guy! He’s funny, smart, and handsome. He’s a great father! But all things aside, what happens when Mr. Perfect isn’t so perfect for you anymore? Do you stay and work it out, or leave and hope that you can be amicable for the kids?  This is my current situation….

I thought everything was fine! Turns out he was actually very miserable on the inside and just didn’t know how to tell me. So now it’s day 4 without him; I’m not sure if I’m more hurt, sad, or relieved? Do you really think it’s possible to pick yourself up off the ground this quickly? Especially after you feel like your heart has been ripped out of your chest and stomped on? I wonder if subconsciously I needed the same relief? I thought everything was semi-ok….yes we’ve been having a few issues the past year or so but I had no idea it was this bad. I always chalked it up to my psychotic mind! Or meds needing to be adjusted slightly….

Now here I sit, alone and lonely. Trying to be strong for my boys while emotionally I feel so broken! I’ve had my fair share of tears come lately, and ya know what? I’ve realized I’m better and stronger than this! I can do this, he thinks I can’t but surely he will be surprised to see my rock this sheer insanity! I’m a survivor, after all I’ve been through, and I will pick up the pieces and move on. It may take me several months to get back right and stable on my own two feet again, but I promise you one things for sure. You can’t hold down a determined woman, and especially a Mother!

Love has a way of blinding you! It makes it impossible to see all those small imperfections that drive you insane. I am not sure that I wanted this but possibly I needed it. I’m not saying I’m glad he’s gone, in fact I’m more miserable than I have been in a while! You don’t go from living with and loving someone of 5 years to instantly hating them. I can’t even fathom hating him. He’s been the most wonderful thing to ever happen to me. But it had become apparent that we just can’t live together. He saved us from the darkest depths of hell!! But alas, a promise that did not mean enough to him and has now shattered me…Promising someone forever is now not a saying that I will ever believe again.


So how do you cope after a break-up?

Mad and crying, or rearing to go and ready to move on?



Who or What Inspires You?

So here is the age old question, What Inspires You? Now, I feel like I should say that there is no right or wrong answer here! This is left up to each individual person to decide, and it will vary significantly from person to person. change

First lets delve into what it means to be inspired, the definition for the word inspire is to make (someone) want to do something : to give (someone) an idea about what to do or create. It can also mean to cause (something) to happen or be created; or to cause someone to have (a feeling or emotion).


So who or what inspires you?  It can something as simple as nature, your kids, music, love, or a multitude of other things. For me, it is the sounds of nature. The chirping of birds, the sound of a thunderstorm, the sound of rain falling are all very near and dear to me. I absolutely love it and this is when my creative juices flow the best. Here is an example from Youtube. I especially like to listen to this music while I am writing or quilting. It is a feeling of being free and one with nature.


So you say, how do I find what is inspirational to me? Well, you just keep trying different things. Like previously stated, there is no right or wrong way to be or get inspired. It is totally different for each person, so just keep trying different things/methods until you find one that helps you do whatever it is you want to do. This can simply be listening to specific kind of music, or smelling a certain smell(like lavender), or being outside. Keep trying new things! Hopefully you will know of at least a few ideas to try. If not, a simple Google Search will offer many suggestions.


So, now you’ve found something that inspires you? Now what? You hop to whatever needs to be done. I use my music to motivate my mind, most of  the time it works very well. So, anytime I need or want to do some writing or something else that is important; I listen to my nature sounds. I have many downloaded on my phone. This is a regular occurrence for me. These are available through many different sources such as Amazon Prime Music, Youtube, Pandora, and many other sites.

Pinterest also has a ton of pictures that have inspirational quotes. I have one above my desk that says, “You are far too smart to be the only thing standing in your way.” I printed it out and hung it up because this quote hits me right in the heart. No matter the circumstance, you are far too smart to let yourself be the only thing standing in your own way.

So, tell me. What inspires you?




A-Z about Me

So today has been extremely busy for me, and tomorrow looks to be much of the same. I just wanted to post a fun post. So here are a few quick, quirky, and fun facts about me.


A- I can be annoying at times.
B- I am a basic person. All I need is the basics and I’m good.
C- I am crazy.
D- I am defiant at times.
E- I am eccentric 99% of the time.
F- I am a best friend to few but friends with all.
G- I am guarded to most everyone.
H- I am a honest person, sometimes too honest.
I- I am interested in new things.
J- I am just.
K- I am kind, until you do me wrong or mess with my kids.
L- I am very lenient with my kids.
M- I am a muncher, I chew things excessively.
N- I am not narrow-minded.
O- I love Obsidian!
P- I am a parent & a partner.
Q- I am quiet around new people.
R- I am rambunctious.
S- I am strange, I can’t stand to have my food touching on a plate.
T- I am trustworthy.
U- I am understanding.
V- I am veracious.
W- I am weird.
X- I love the sound of a xylophone.
Z- I love the smell of a Zippo lighter.

So that is all I have for you today! But in closing, I would like to let you know that I will be doing a  5 day series on Anger Management. That series will be starting next Monday, 8/15.

Do You Get Enough Sleep?

****Please read the disclaimer at the top of  my page. On mobile, its under the menu tab.*****

Ummm, NOPE! I honestly don’t. I am lucky to sleep 3 hours some nights; I have been known to pull all-nighters. And occasionally several all-nighters in a row. Matter of fact, that happened last week. Slept 3 hours in 3 days; that was not fun! I was very productive but not a pleasant person to be around. I was grumpy and irritable from the lack of sleep.

So on the one hand, I don’t sleep enough. BUT, on the other hand, I have been known to sleep too much also. It’s a give and take kind of thing, I totally wished I slept like the average adult. This is just one of the many things I have had to adapt to because of my illness. Like I’ve previously said, there are good days and bad. Sometimes the good outweigh the bad, sometimes it is the other way around. Such is the life of someone with a mental illness.

Here are some tips and tricks from the National Sleep Foundation:

  • Carve out at least 30 minutes of wind-down time before bed in which you do something relaxing, such as read a book. Dim the lights in the house slightly for an hour or so before bed. *I do this, I read my Kindle in bed. Of course, with the brightness way down low.
  • In order to calm your mind, do a breathing or relaxation exercise.
  • If you get into bed and cannot fall asleep after 20 minutes, get up and return to another space in the house to do a relaxing activity, such as reading or listening to music. Lying in bed awake can create an unhealthy link between your sleeping environment and wakefulness. Instead, you want your bed to conjure sleepy thoughts and feelings only. *I am absolutely terrible about doing this, sometimes I lay awake in bed for hours.
  • Wake up at the same time every day. Even if you have a hard time falling asleep and feel tired in the morning, try to get up at the same time (weekends included). This can help adjust your body’s clock and aid in falling asleep at night. * My kids are pretty good alarm clocks.

Here’s an info-graphic from the National Sleep Foundation.

Insomnia facts.jpg

So in closing, do you have sleep problems? How do you combat them? Prescribed medications? Over the Counter medications? Or all natural methods?

Do You Keep a Diary or Journal?

I had someone mention keeping a journal yesterday, so I figured I’d ask here and see who keeps a journal! So, do you keep a journal? Why? Does it help you release emotions? Keep track of your emotions? Do you feel better after writing in your journal? How do you utilize your journal? Do you share your journal with others? Do you just write or do you use prompts?

I have tried numerous times to keep a journal, and I fail epically every time! I do good the first week or so, then I either start losing interest or lose the book I have been using. I just don’t know how to write/express my emotions into a journal. Yet, here I sit writing on a blog…..Imagine that! The thoughts are so random, they rarely make sense. This discourages me because I can’t actually understand or remember what was going on that day.

Eventually, I get frustrated with myself and just say that it is not worth it.

I need a place to verbalize/write my emotions without it becoming a hassle. I have tried writing my journal on the computer, my phone, in a book!!  For one reason or another, it never works out.

So help me understand the reasons behind why you journal!

I’d greatly appreciate any and all feedback.





15 Tips to Combat Anxiety

***I am not a doctor. The information provided here is meant to be informative in nature. These statements are not meant to diagnose any medical condition. Please read my disclaimer at the top of my blog, on mobile under the menu tab, for more information.****


What is an anxiety attack? An anxiety attack is described as episodes of high degree stress responses accompanied by or precipitated by a high degree of fear or anxiety.

Here are some symptoms:

  • A feeling of overwhelming fear
  • Feelings of going crazy or losing control
  • Feeling like you might pass out
  • An urgency to escape
  • Dizziness
  • Heart Palpitations
  • Trembling
  • Sweating
  • Loss of breath
  • Weak in the knees
  • Turning Pale
  • Chest pressure or pain
  • Feeling detached from reality
  • Burning skin
  • Pins and needles feeling
  • Hot and cold flashes
  • Numbness and/or tingling sensation

This list is not exclusive, there are many other symptoms. Now I am going to share some tips from Anxiety and Depression Association of America on how to combat anxiety. Anxiety attacks can be debilitating; they can make you feel awful. These episodes can be extremely intense and frightening.

Tips to combat anxiety include:

  • Eating healthy
  • Take a time out
  • Limit alcohol and caffeine
  • Get plenty of sleep
  • Exercise daily
  • Take deep breaths
  • Count to 10 slowly
  • Accept that you can not control everything
  • Do your best
  • Welcome humor
  • Maintain a positive attitude
  • Learn what triggers your anxiety
  • Get involved
  • Talk to someone
  • Getting help online

Anxiety is no joke. I personally feel like I am trapped, can’t breathe, and will need to be taken to a safe space immediately. The anxiety attacks can be triggered by many things but most often for me it is from being abandoned as a child and many other things. I get extremely worried if family members aren’t where they say they are going to be at a certain time. This often leads to a panic attack because I fear the worst possible outcome. When having a panic attack my whole chest area above my breasts turns extremely red and splotchy. This is usually an indication that I am about to lose control. Sometimes it can take hours for these feelings to go away.

Anxiety can be treated with medication, therapy, complementary and/or alternative treatments, and transcranial magnetic stimulation (TMS).  Please consult your doctor if you believe you have anxiety issues and about your options for a treatment plan. There are multiple ways for anxiety symptoms to be decreased.













Quotes on Strength

Today I am going to share some quotes on strength. Hope this provides some inspiration for you. All excerpts are from GoodReads.

“That which does not kill us makes us stronger.” ― Friedrich Nietzsche

“Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage.” ― Lao Tzu

“The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong.”
Mahatma Gandhi, All Men are Brothers: Autobiographical Reflections

“Nobody can hurt me without my permission.”
Mahatma Gandhi

“Worry does not empty tomorrow of its sorrow, it empties today of its strength.”
Corrie ten Boom, Clippings from My Notebook

“Don’t be afraid of your fears. They’re not there to scare you. They’re there to let you know that something is worth it.”
C. JoyBell C.

“Better to be strong than pretty and useless.”
Lilith Saintcrow, Strange Angels

“Anyone can hide. Facing up to things, working through them, that’s what makes you strong.”
Sarah Dessen

“Man often becomes what he believes himself to be. If I keep on saying to myself that I cannot do a certain thing, it is possible that I may end by really becoming incapable of doing it. On the contrary, if I have the belief that I can do it, I shall surely acquire the capacity to do it even if I may not have it at the beginning.”
Mahatma Gandhi

“Courage isn’t having the strength to go on – it is going on when you don’t have strength.”
Napoléon Bonaparte

“It is easier to build strong children than to repair broken men.”
Frederick Douglass

“The world breaks every one and afterward many are strong at the broken places.”
Ernest Hemingway, A Farewell to Arms

“With the new day comes new strength and new thoughts.”
Eleanor Roosevelt

“Strength does not come from physical capacity. It comes from an indomitable will.”
Mahatma Gandhi

“One’s dignity may be assaulted, vandalized and cruelly mocked, but it can never be taken away unless it is surrendered.”
Michael J. Fox

“Be strong. Live honorably and with dignity. When you don’t think you can, hold on.”
James Frey, A Million Little Pieces

“Life doesn’t get easier or more forgiving, we get stronger and more resilient.”
Steve Maraboli, Life, the Truth, and Being Free

“A quiet conscience makes one strong!”
Anne Frank, The Diary of a Young Girl

“And one has to understand that braveness is not the absence of fear but rather the strength to keep on going forward despite the fear.”
Paulo Coelho

“All that is gold does not glitter,
Not all those who wander are lost;
The old that is strong does not wither,
Deep roots are not reached by the frost.

From the ashes a fire shall be woken,
A light from the shadows shall spring;
Renewed shall be blade that was broken,
The crownless again shall be king.”
J.R.R. Tolkien, The Fellowship of the Ring



Facing Demons & Overcoming Stressors

Here’s as raw and real as I get…………..For the life of me, I can not win. I feel trapped in a story that’s so real that I wished it was a bad nightmare. My biological dad died a year ago this week, his funeral was a year ago today. Unfortunately, I’m reliving every moment from last year like it’s some horror story on repeat. I really hope it stops soon  but I honestly doubt it will for some time, if ever.

Life Stressors

My oldest boy is away for the night, rarely happens, so my anxiety is high. My youngest has been a lil daredevil all day, so I’m mentally and physically exhausted. And my fiance works 15 hours tomorrow, so there’s no help there. My house looks like a scene from Twister. I have no want, will, or desire to clean it up tonight. I swear, the toys multiply while I am away.

Now I don’t want to go to sleep. So a long night is in the making. Maybe I’ll actually get some cleaning done after all. As I sit here wondering, where does time go?  My dad’s funeral was one year ago today, yet I remember it like it was yesterday.

A Day in the Life

I go from 0 to 100 and back to 0 quicker than I ever imagined possible. One minute I’m the happiest person, and the next I’m the demon spawn everyone warns you about. This either happens occasionally or often, there’s just no telling.

This is the life inside a mentally ill persons mind. There’s no stopping the emotions and feelings from taking over at any given moment. I wished I could make the flashbacks go away. But I can’t, I have to persevere and overcome! I have to face my demons and pick myself up, realizing that this is part of who I am and that I’ve got this in the bag.

Processing Grief

There’s no right or wrong way to grieve. There’s no time limit on grief either. I still hurt today like I did last year. Healing these wounds feels like one of the hardest things I have ever had to do. I feel like if I move on that I’m somehow allowing myself to forget him.  I know this is irrational thinking, but what do you fear? My greatest fear is being abandoned. And that’s exactly how I feel now that my dad isn’t here anymore.
To make things even worse, now I’m starting to forget what his voice sounded like. And how he smelled. These are unwelcome happenings and I wished those things would be returned to me…..

You see, I only have a handful of memories of my biological dad. We rarely saw each other, I’m adopted, and sometimes went multiple years at a time without seeing him. So the memory of seeing my dad laying there dying is one of the few memories that I  have; and those have been burned permanently into my brain. To be perfectly honest, I’m not even sure how I’ve gone a year and still not completely processed this whole grief thing yet.

I loved him dearly! We weren’t always close in body but he was always with me in spirit. Just like he is now. I know he’s watching over me, cheering me on. I miss him more than words can describe.

So here’s to my dad, John Duncan.

May you rest in peace!

I love you daddy!

Here are a Few Coping Strategies 

Talk about the death of your loved one. – With colleagues, friends, or family. Denying the death is an easy way to isolate yourself.

Accept your feelings. – A flood of emotions will come. Emotions such as anger,  frustration, sadness, and exhaustion.

Take care of yourself and your family. – Eat well, exercise regularly, and get plenty of rest.

Reach out and help others deal with the loss. – Share stories with family members or remember their quirks. Share anything that will help you cope.

Remember and celebrate the lives of your loved ones. – This can be as simple as making a photo collage of your loved one. Or passing on the family name to a baby.

Join a support group. – They can be most beneficial. Some support groups are held at churches and often other places. Check Google for a support group near you.

Preserve their memory. – Create a memory garden. Do charity work in the name of your lost loved one.

Express and release your emotions. – Cry if it’ll help. Don’t worry if a memory makes you emotional, this is perfectly normal.

Do you have a story/memory you’d like to share? I’d love to hear it.

Give My Blog a Review


Hi everyone, I know my blog is still very new. But I was wondering if you would take a look around and tell me what you think. I am very new to WordPress.com, so this is a serious learning curve for me.

Is the text too small, too big, and can you read it? Is everything showing up okay? Anything you would like to see me write about? I will take all comments into consideration.






My dear friend Heidi @ www.livegoodly.com sent me this post. Please check out her  Health and Wellness blog and let her know what you thought of this post.  Thanks!


According to the Mayo Clinic the definition of a Phobia is:


A Phobia is the overwhelming, unreasonable fear of an object or situation that poses little real danger, but provokes Anxiety and Avoidance.



We are all afraid of something. I suffer from a Phobia called Amaxophobia, essentially it is the fear of cars. I’d like to say it is the result of accidents. I believe that is how most people come by it. Ive been this way since I was small. I remember never being able to sit near the door. My parents tell me there was never an event to cause this. As an adult I have driven and in local traffic I have been fine but put me on a highway and it’s over. I’ve had Panic Attacks, even my back seize from Anxiety, resulting in horrid pain. Eventually I stopped driving. I figured it would be over then, that is not the case. It has lessened for sure.




Arachnophobia: The fear of spiders

Ophidophobia: The fear of snakes

Acrophobia: The fear of heights

Cynophobia: The fear of dogs

Astraphobia: The fear of storms

Trypanophobia: The fear of needles

Pteromerhanophobia: The fear of flying

Mysophobia: The fear of germs and dirt

Agoraphobia: The fear of open spaces

Social Phobia: The fear of social situations



Overwhelming Panic

Racing Heart

Difficulty Breathing


Truth is, those of us who suffer, know it’s not rational but knowing that doesn’t help. People will tell you, just get over it or belittle what you feel. But it’s very serious. There is a difference between natural fear and phobias. In natural fear people might feel apprehensive but they will still approach it. With a phobic person they will do everything they can to avoid what makes them feel the fear, to the point of it affecting their daily life and that’s a problem.


How does it happen?


No one is completely sure what causes it. Some believe it stems from traumatic events. It has also been suggested that it can be heredity and learned behavior.



I will share some coping skills that I have learned. Meditative breathing helps, makes your muscles feel relaxed. Counting is something I’ve long utilized to get through panic attacks. I’ve recently started doing something I read online. I make a fist, picture myself somewhere that makes me feel peaceful (the beach of course) and slowly open my hand. If all else fails I close my eyes, yeah OK not rocket science.


There are therapies that have been successful but alot of the methods they use, you can do yourself.


Firstly, gradually face your fear in a controlled way so can grasp what actually is the worst that can happen, which is never as bad as we think. Do it slowly, bit by bit. For instance, I take small rides in the car, kind of an easing into thing. Each time you attempt it you will feel more in control.


Make a list of things related to your fear. If your afraid of flying this would be everything leading up to the event. Buying the ticket. Going to the airport, etc.



Self talk can also be a great help in combating the negative thoughts. So instead of screaming, “I’M GONNA DIE”. Replace that with “I think I can.” Yeah that Thomas was really onto something.


Has this helped? I hope so, none of us are alone but it’s what we do that matters.