Post Vacation Blues: Why I Hate My Mental Illness

So we have been home for 3 days now, today was back to work day for the fiance. I am struggling with the silence, wishing life had a rewind. I was so ready to come home by Saturday, now I am wishing I had lived up the vacation more.  I kept thinking about all the things I wanted to do, but by the time we got to the last 2 days I was not functioning properly. So not much got done, although we did have a nice cookout the day before we left.

I was also so exhausted, ever tried sleeping somewhere new and not being able to sleep? Well that is exactly what happened. I slept a total of maybe 30 hours while we were gone. That’s like 5 hrs a night!

I was up all night the day before we left so excited to be leaving, and also up all night the night before we left for home. I was extremely excited to get home! Irony at its finest, right! I am so upset that I feel like we missed out on 2 days of our vacation because of me…

I hate having a mental illness! Although it is a common occurrence now, mental illness is still rarely talked about… See the infographic below from NAMI, also go to their website to view the full infographic. Mental illness is still something that takes away even the most insignificant things. It also can become a serious life-changer for those unable to receive treatment…


Image result for mental health infographics for blogs


I feel like I have robbed my entire family of what should’ve been a great time because of my own issues. I feel like a failure for taking away something that was intended to be a joyous time. I feel like I should have been happy, yet I feel like my illness robbed me of my vacation. The incident with the car set me into overdrive, which I think played a big factor into all my emotions while there.

Everyone had a great time though, or so they say!

Now I sit here wishing and wondering what I could’ve done differently! I know in my mind I should be grateful, but how do you let the bad thoughts outweigh the good when everything  seems to have gone so wrong. I guess with all the hustle and bustle over, I am feeling pretty down on myself. Hoping and praying I could feel and get better, but knowing that isn’t possible.

So today I hate my mental illness for making me feel like poo….For making me feel like nothing I do is ever good enough. For making me miss out on so many good and wonderful opportunities.

Now if you’d ask my kids and fiance if the vacation was a success, they would all tell you yes. That they had a great time! I don’t know why I let my mind get the better of me when I am sitting in silence. But it happens every time!

So how do I overcome these emotions? Well, it usually takes a finite amount of positive praise for me to feel like everything that I’ve done hasn’t been an epic failure…Thankfully my fiance is great at knowing just what to say to make me feel better!  So as I sit here talking to him via Facebook. I realize that everything was a success and that he is proud of how things turned out.

Sometimes I have to get my own head out of my own head too. This is usually accomplished by an extreme exercise routine or quilting. So as I sit here realizing it isn’t as bad as I think it is, I feel more at ease. This vacation destination was my idea,  now he can’t wait to get to go to his vacation destination.

So how do you overcome negative self-talk and/or emotions?

 

 

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26 thoughts on “Post Vacation Blues: Why I Hate My Mental Illness

  1. i sometimes find myself crying and just let my emotions flow. I sometimes enjoy the fact that I cry at night so next morning is a brand new day.

    Talking to myself and feeling emotional is sometimes helpful to discover my weaknesses and strengths. When it happens that I want to be emotional, I let myself be. But I always am mindful to know when to detach and be back to my old normal self.

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    1. I do this too, mostly in the bathroom. It’s the one place where I can have solitude. Sometimes I just need 5 minutes to let it all out. Then I pick myself up and move on, like you said. Tomorrow is a new day, clouding it with yesterday’s troubles is asking for a disaster. Thanks for reading!

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  2. I am always trying to think positive. Count my blessings too! I listen to uplifting music. Or I meet friends that I love. That’s always helps me 🙂

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    1. That’s wonderful! I quilt to get myself out of a funk. Listening to loud music helps a lot too. hahahaha, except when its 3 am and I can’t sleep…Thanks for reading and commenting!

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  3. Letting it flow really helps. If you need to cry, then just do it (like what Nike is always telling us). Sometimes when I feel down, I just write or practice calligraphy. Or just lay on the bed and close my eyes and listen to the calming music. 🙂

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    1. Thanks for reading, I agree with you. Letting the tears come out is really helpful soemtimes. Crying is not a sign of weakness. I am worst at expressing my emotions though. If I cry, it has truly been a bad day. I think distraction is a good method too. I try to stay busy when I feel down.

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  4. Talking to my fiancée and just being with him usually makes me feel better. Also rationalising things sometimes helps. If someone (let’s say a customer) is angry at me and get personal it might sometimes get me to negative mood but understanding the fact that it’s not my fault helps. And sometimes just letting the time go by and thinking something else more positive helps. 🙂

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    1. You’re so right, sometimes time is all we need. I am the same way with my fiance, he is my rock!I am the worlds worst for allowing things to bother me that shouldn’t. Positive self talk helps a lot too. Thanks for reading and commenting!

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  5. I struggle with being in the moment and then regret not being in it later. I can totally relate to your feelings. I try to rationalize things as they usually weren’t as “bad” as I thought in my mind. I try to see it from the outside if I can.

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    1. I am working very much the same way! That is usually the case but sometimes the mind can plays tricks….I hate not being in the moment too! I, like you, regret it later. It’s something I am actively working on. I appreciate you reading! Thanks for stopping by!

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    1. Talking to my guy helps tremendously! We take day trips as a family often, but this was our first big vacation! I am so glad you stopped by, thanks for commenting!

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  6. To overcome negativity, I just play video games until I feel okay. For me it helps. I am happy that you have your fiance to talk with. I also commend him for being able to say the right things at the right time. You know, not everyone has that capacity.

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  7. I pamper myself with a visit to a hairsalon or buy new stuff that looks good on me. When I look good, I feel good about myself and seems to be ready to conquer anything again!

    Or sometimes, I just cry and let my eyes get tired so I can sleep like a baby. Everything seems different after I slept through any negative thoughts I had.

    Having hobbies – like reading and writing that will keep me busy will surely do tricks, too. And also I pray. I hope you’ll find instant remedies whenever you feel low.

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    1. Thank you sooo much! You are absolutely right, everyone had a great time. Myself included, it’s just sit easy to second guess what has happened in that moment. Looking back, even with everything that happened. We did have a great time! Thanks for reading and commenting!

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    1. I totally agree. Pampering ones self is a great self esteem bosster. I dont get enough girly time, lol. Raising two boys, it’s always boy stuff. Thanks for readign and commenting!

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  8. Well, I guess we all have that mood swings. That’s why I hate being alone. As much as possible, I always see to it having someone with me even when I am busy. Weird it may sound but sure it’s something I don’t want to happen, being alone! I don’t want to get drowned of negativity. Though I cheer up myself personally, it’s just that, sometimes, negativity pulls you down.

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    1. I understand about not wanting to be alone. I hate it sometimes! It’s when the intrusive thoughts are the worst…I hate that my brain won’t stop sometimes, but it is something you just learn to live with. Thanks for reading and commenting!

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  9. Don’t feel guilty! I know it’s too easy to blame yourself and tell yourself that other people did not enjoy because of you or that you robbed others of their joy, but trust me, I’m sure your presence was enough to bring them joy. They are lucky that they got to spend time with you, and I’m sure that’s all that matters to them. 🙂

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    1. Thanks Nadine, for your kind words! We did have a great time. And I’m sure you are right, that they were just glad to be in my presence. It was sour first vacation as a family, and I think that I had this ideation that things should have gone differently. But all in all it was a huge success….so much so we are planning our 2nd vacation already. Thanks for reading and commenting!

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  10. I also sometimes feel that I missed some things while on a vacation, that I could have enjoyed more, being happier, more active. And then I think the entire vacation was empty, nothing at all. In these situations, I learned to cheer myself up by looking at the gallery on my cell phone and listing all the photos from the vacation. Then I see how awesome it was and how happy me and my boyfriend were.

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    1. I did exactly that, and it helped tremendously. Judging by our photos and all the comments for the kids, everyone did indeed have a great time. I, like you, felt like that I should’ve done more or been happier while there. But it wasn’t as bad as I initially thought! In this case, it was too much time and not enough willpower to push the negative thoughts aside…..thanks for reading and commenting!

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  11. When I was suffering through depression years before I also felt the same way, that I was taking the life out of the party, making everyone feel down. My friends had been very patient, they knew that I was going through something so they tried their best to understand. But sometimes they fail and sort of blame me for the rut that I was in, telling me I wasn’t trying hard enough. i realized then that unless you share the same illness it’s unlikely you will ever truly understand. So I started by stopping to tell them everything. Outside help can assist people with mental illness, but in the end, the battle has to be done by that person alone. I guess, what I’m trying to say here is don’t be too hard on yourself. It seems like you’re doing the best that you can.

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    1. You’re so right, on so many levels. No one will ever truly understand, but I feel that talking about it decreases the way people view their mentally ill counterparts. It is nice knowing I have a select few in my corner, those few people who I can tell everything. Thanks for reading and commenting!

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