Day 1 of 365: Outside My Window

Happy New Year! It’s the end of the first day of 2018. Its frigid cold, but its only half dark with the full Moon and all its bright light! We had a light dusting of snow that caused sheer madness for a bit yesterday. The roads got extremely bad rather quickly, but thankfully it’s all gone now. 

Today it has been bitter cold out, our high not rising above 30 degrees with the low in the teens. I don’t mind the cold, if there’s snow, but all this frigid cold weather and no snow makes for long days. Our time outside has been minimal, the dog doesn’t even waste any time doing his business.  

I can honestly say….I’d love to be on a beach, somewhere where its sunny and 75. But that aint happening!

Anyways, our Christmas was amazing! The kids had such a wonderful day. I got a huge surprise, a new puppy has entered our lives! He is 7 months old, and weighs about 45 lbs. I have spent the better part of the past week learning who he is and how he operates. It has been utter chaos at times, but he is settling in nicely. I think he is going to be the perfect addition to our family. 

In other news, I am loving my new medicine. I feel so much better. Still battling my way out of a deep, dark hole but I’m making progress. I am looking forward to this next week, I have family moving back into town that I haven’t seen in years. It’s one of those family that aint blood type situations. 

Well, I am off til tomorrow! 

Good night! 

ETA: This is day one of a 365 day writing challenge. The master list can be found here.

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Seeing Stars and Camouflage

As I sit here looking at our Christmas tree, I am seeing stars(tree topper). I wonder how I can make my 2018 better. I am not saying this year was horrible, but there are just certain areas Id love to improve for all of us. I have to admit, through all the obstacles this year…we made out better in the long run than from where we started! 

Had a Drs appt yesterday, meds changed again. But this time, they gave me what I think will work the best. Feeling pretty decent today, a lil tired though. Now that I know what to expect, things are looking up. I still have a couple things to deal with. Things Im not particularly looking forward to dealing with. 

******trigger warning******And then here comes January and February…I have the worst time coping with life during these 2 months. Youll hear me refer to it often. So in order for you to understand, Ima be brief and explain. My oldest sons dad died in a single car wreck 1-7-09. My severely premature twins were born 1-29-08 at 4 months premature. Each twin weighing only 1lb. Cause of premature delivery was due to a bicornuate uterus(a uterine abnormality). Add in my birthday that month, and I get crazy emotional during this month. Now onto February, my infant twins didnt do soo well, and one died 2-17-08. The other severely handicapped. Yes, I had 3 babies in less than a year! My oldest son has his birthday the 2nd week of February. My fiances birthday is in the 3rd week of February. And add in income tax time, thats always crazy stressful.  Soooo, thats the basics. I just wanted to let you know. Everybody has skeletons in their closet. I just dont dig mine out often!

But I can do this! It just isnt gonna happen quickly. Maybe if ever…
Wishing I could just be camouflaged and blend into the background for a few months. Christmas is getting closer and closer and I still dont feel like myself. Dont get me wrong, Ive seen worse days. But the progress is so slow!  And it is happening. Christmas is about the only thing Im actually looking forward to in this moment. Cant wait to see my kids faces!

So maybe these meds are in the beginning stages of working, Ive never made it through all that without the tears flowing before. Yes, its been almost 10 years, but in that time & moment I feel like it has just happened. 

So, Im off for the night…

Sleep well!

My Top Eight Guilty Pleasures

So I had a good day yesterday. Wanted to do something different today. So here goes, my top eight guilty Pleasures! These things often give a tiny twinge of guilt on those rare occurences I have time to accomplish them.

1.) Getting Enough Sleep- Sleeping is hard to come by often in my world. I sometimes go days without sleep, other times I sleep almost all day. I miss it, but I just don’t worry over it anymore. I do get sleep, in short spurts. Hour here or there! Sleeping medicines help, but make me feel terrible the next day. Exercise has made me tired, but not until like 5 or 6am. So sleeping in is a huge blessing for me.

2.) Chocolate- Chocolate is number two, simply because what girl wants to live her life chocolate free! I absolutely love chocolate! I have had a bag of caramel Hershey Kisses hidden from the fiance and kids for a month now. It’s shows its affection in return by slightly fluctuating my weight.

3.) Showering in Peace-  This is guilty pleasure #3 for the simple fact that I am a stay at home mom who feels like her kids are in tow at every second of every day. This is usually comes around 3am, after I’ve just gotten home from the gym. I love the peacefulness of listening to the water fall to the bottom of the tub while showering.

4.) Eating Hot Meals- I am one of those mom’s who cooks the same meal for everyone…if the kids don’t like it, they can have a snack after 2 hrs. One of the hardest things is to get a  hot meal. So let’s say I am cooking chicken strips on the Foreman grill. I will nitpick while cooking for everyone, guilty as charged. It’s about the only way I get hot food! This happens on the regular….

5.) Drinking My Coffee in Peace-  By the time morning comes, all I want is a steaming hot cup of joe and to not have 2 kid screaming in my ear. I usually get this twice a week, on the fiance days off. This is both a curse and a blessing. It gives me time to wake up, but the kids a rip roaring and ready to go by the time I am getting good and awake.

6.) Listening to Country Music- Something about listening to country music just hits home with me, like the music speaks to me. Old country, new country; it doesn’t matter to me!  I love it all! Randy Travis and Luke Bryan are two of my favorites. Music has helped me through some of the most difficult times throughout my life. Country music is my go to music when depressed or stressed.

7.) Watching Netflix sans Kids- I love to watch documentaries and educaitonal, nature based shows. Things like Life, Cosmos, and Animal Kingdom. I love to learn new things, even if it is just tidbits of random information. Like did you know that there is a river dolphin in the Amazon Rainforest? It’s called a Boto!

8.)  Reading a Good Book– I love to read a good book! I used to read paperbacks, I do still collect books. But I usually read books on my Kindle Fire. I can rotally get lost in a good book, like read all night long and only feel like it’s been 10 minutes. I see the written text visually in my head. Kinda like watching a movie except I’m reading a book and seeing the details from the book in my mind.

So there are my guilty pleasures, what are yours?

2018: A 365 Day Challenge

There is a writing prompt for every day of the year, sounds like a challenge for sure. Some days may get switched around, but just gonna use this as a rough guide. So, here I am making my New Years Resolution…I’m going to work on my writing more consistently. I found an awesome website, 365 Creative Writing Prompts. Cross your fingers for me. LOL

I’ve had a decent day. Didn’t accomplish much but I am glad I was “lazy” today! It felt great, its been a Christmas movie watching kind-a day. I am excited about Christmas!

7 days til Christmas

Are you ready?

 

Playing Catch-up

Yet again, its been several months with no new blog posts. Maybe Im just not cut out to do this blog thing, lol. Oh well…here I go again!

Its been a crazy several months for my household. Since April Ive struggled to stay afloat, it was one thing after another. I had to spend 3 months fighting to get my medical coverage. Then another 6 months fighting some more with our government. Its truly been a hassle, like I expected…

So here I sit, I’ve been medicated for a couple months now. Finally, I am feeling better. I have been down for so long that I had forgotten what it felt like to feel halfway normal.

No one said it would be easy, but man has it been worth it.  

Ive been up and down, cycling so rapidly. The mania is nice, but debilatating too. The depression sucks, getting out of bed is truly a feat some days. But I am glad to see and enjoy the lighter side of life now. 

Bipolar is no joke, thankfully I have a good support system. I know without them, I’d be totally lost. Now, I want and need to get it together. So much has not been a priority in my life. Hoping to get back to a normal flow soon. 

Its been almost a year since I have quilted. I think I need to get back in the  saddle with that again also. That deep hole was awfully dark for far too long. Smiles are abundant, Christmas is right around the corner. I am welcoming each new day. I still have a long road ahead, but each new step is a step in the right direction. 

To my followers, I am sorry I’ve been away again. 

If you’re still with me, chime in.

What are your Christmas plans

Taking a Stroll Down Memory Lane

It sucks sometimes…..

Ughhh, I just got lost in a many a years worth of pictures!

I’m feeling old and even more lost. I have already lived a lifetime full of adventures! I don’t know what the future holds, but I’m going to find out…

I know that I have more ahead of me. But I have grown as a person, and I just want different things now! So here I go, changing and growing! Learning to take things as they come…life is meant to teach you who you are! I am changing daily. 

Who you were and who you are, that can be two totally different types of things! Dont let anyone tell you who you can and can’t be…

Seeking a Resolution

So, yet again…here I am picking up the pieces! Trying to maintain and survive this roller coaster that is my life. 

It’s been chaotic for sure. I have more issues on my plate than I know what to do with! I’m confused, overwhelmed, and frustrated…

Although, in my kids eyes, things are continuing on as usual!  Life goes on, yet here I sit seeking a resolution…We have definitely had several adventures so far this summer. Those will be saved for explanation at a later time though….

I can only hope this is a new beginning. We need it, that’s for sure,

Hanging in there though!

Fearing Changes

Life has never been more upside down than it is right now. Please bear with me as I attempt to survive this massive upheaval that is called my life! 

My life is changing every minute and I fear the outcome! 

I’m not ready to say goodbye! This is like the end of the world apocalypse in my life right this moment….

I need to figure this out! 

I have to figure this out!

 Love will find a way! Please pray, if you’re the praying type! I need all the strength I can muster right about now?!?!

Thanks for everything yall! 

I will post occasionally until I get this figured out. Until then think of me and please bear with me! 

Sleepless Nights

So life has grown increasingly difficult these past few days…

I’ve had to swallow my pride and do things I didn’t want to do. But I have to survive this, so here I sit holding my head high! I am more than capable! I will fight with every ounce of my being, and I will get through this. My kids need me!

If you’re the praying kind though, do say a lil prayer for me! It seems I can’t catch a break lately. I think I am going to write my way through this! So hope you don’t mind…

On to other news, my brain is going all kinds of crazy. This increase in meds is not helping yet. I am not sleeping well at all. I’m just not sleepy, or if I do sleep it’s so lightly that I don’t get rested..

So I am functioning suprisingly well all things considered. 

So off I go with our day! 

Hope your day is fantastic!

Dr’s Appointment Adventure

So I made it to the Dr’s! She changed my meds around a bit and we are going to see where I am next month. Hoping this helps, I’m super stressed! The light at the end of the tunnel is even more distant now. 

Onto other news, my Dr seems to think that I don’t have bipolar, yet I have unexplained awake times that last for days. Then I’ll sleep 12 hrs a day to make up for it. Shes calling it major depression, so I just wanna scream.

I’m not sure whether to be sad, happy, or upset. Life has thrown me nothing but curve balls the past few weeks. Im about to start tossing them back. 

So far, I am not gaining any head way.  But I have to keep my head above water somehow. 

So off to brainstorm!