Day 1 of 365: Outside My Window

Happy New Year! It’s the end of the first day of 2018. Its frigid cold, but its only half dark with the full Moon and all its bright light! We had a light dusting of snow that caused sheer madness for a bit yesterday. The roads got extremely bad rather quickly, but thankfully it’s all gone now. 

Today it has been bitter cold out, our high not rising above 30 degrees with the low in the teens. I don’t mind the cold, if there’s snow, but all this frigid cold weather and no snow makes for long days. Our time outside has been minimal, the dog doesn’t even waste any time doing his business.  

I can honestly say….I’d love to be on a beach, somewhere where its sunny and 75. But that aint happening!

Anyways, our Christmas was amazing! The kids had such a wonderful day. I got a huge surprise, a new puppy has entered our lives! He is 7 months old, and weighs about 45 lbs. I have spent the better part of the past week learning who he is and how he operates. It has been utter chaos at times, but he is settling in nicely. I think he is going to be the perfect addition to our family. 

In other news, I am loving my new medicine. I feel so much better. Still battling my way out of a deep, dark hole but I’m making progress. I am looking forward to this next week, I have family moving back into town that I haven’t seen in years. It’s one of those family that aint blood type situations. 

Well, I am off til tomorrow! 

Good night! 

ETA: This is day one of a 365 day writing challenge. The master list can be found here.

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Holiday Fun

Today has been awesome! We had Christmas at my moms today, it was a very wonderful day. The boys are playing peacefully, which is a country miracle. They having a wonderful time with their new toys. This next week is full of holiday fun. 

In other news, I am a little uncertain what to do at my next drs appointment on Thursday. I feel like the side effects are becoming too bad, but Im afraid to change my medicine around this time of year. January and February are harder than normal for me. And I dont need a med change added into the mix. 

And its almost January, my birthday is coming! On top of all the other issues I have with January….

Im still not letting it get to me, or so I keep telling myself….

Besides, its almost Christmas! Im waiting patiently. Or maybe I’m not… I can’t wait to see their faces. The youngest saw Santa today, up close and personal. We happened to run into a Saint named Nicholas, who was the greatest Santa Claus ever. He made my little boy feel so special!

Have you seen Santa this year?

It’s Pure Torture: Why it Chose Me…

I don’t have a clue why it chose me, my mental illness…Guess it thought I was strong enough to endure (and yes, I know and am aware that these types of things don’t choose people). I don’t know why it chose me, I’m not as strong as I would like to be. But strong enough to endure this mess, I guess, and that takes a really strong person. So yeah, in a sense I guess you could say I am strong! 

Strong enough to endure all the trials and tribulations that have led me to this point in my life. Strong enough to endure being an orphan as a child, strong enough to endure the numerous counts of molestation. Strong enough to endure the countless mood swings and the not so fun insecurities of being mentally ill. Strong enough to endure the never ending, non stop roller coaster of emotions that come with my illness. 

 So although I feel weak, there is strength buried deep within…

I just have to push through this moment and overcome! I will overcome all this madness that life likes to throw at me. Doesn’t mean my life’s easy, nothing worth doing is ever easy! I do it so I can be there for all those who need me, mainly my kids and my family.  Without them, I am not sure where I would be. 

I am strong enough! I love my life, and everything that it entails!

Here’s to the strongest people I know, to those who fight the daily struggle to adapt and overcome your own thoughts! Those who get up every day to keep fighting something that so badly makes your want to give up. I’m not one to give up, I may take a step back. But I refuse to let my illness win! 

So here’s why my mental illness chose me. It chose me because I am a person who no matter how hard things get, I won’t quit! It chose me because, ya know what, life throws you lemons sometimes. It chose me because I am a strong enough! It chose me because….I’m not really sure! But I am blessed! No matter how you look at life, remember you are blessed.

So no matter what I think, say, or do….

I am strong and I am enough!