Holiday Fun

Today has been awesome! We had Christmas at my moms today, it was a very wonderful day. The boys are playing peacefully, which is a country miracle. They having a wonderful time with their new toys. This next week is full of holiday fun. 

In other news, I am a little uncertain what to do at my next drs appointment on Thursday. I feel like the side effects are becoming too bad, but Im afraid to change my medicine around this time of year. January and February are harder than normal for me. And I dont need a med change added into the mix. 

And its almost January, my birthday is coming! On top of all the other issues I have with January….

Im still not letting it get to me, or so I keep telling myself….

Besides, its almost Christmas! Im waiting patiently. Or maybe I’m not… I can’t wait to see their faces. The youngest saw Santa today, up close and personal. We happened to run into a Saint named Nicholas, who was the greatest Santa Claus ever. He made my little boy feel so special!

Have you seen Santa this year?


Searching for the Light

I can’t see it yet, the light at the end of the tunnel, but I know it’s there. I am trying my best to stay positive and not dwell on all this drama. But it is most definitely hard! I know I will figure this out, it just sucks right now. So I am trying to stay busy, not working by the way, yet all I want to do is cry! 

I hate the fact that I feel like a failure, although I am most definitely not. It’s my brain playing tricks on me. I hate this feeling!

So here I sit alone again, with nothing but my thoughts. One of the kids is sleeping, and the other is playing with his friends. So I have ample time to sit and think about my life. Where do I go from here? What’s in store for me? I’m not quite sure, but I must keep moving forward. Baby steps!

If only I could convince myself to just let this go….I am not a a patient person, and the stress all this mess is causing is driving me even crazier! My life feels like it’s a teeter totter. One minute things are going well, the next I feel like my feet have been knocked out from underneath me. 

So what do you do when you feel uncertain?

You ride it out and wait for the light at the end of the tunnel. There’s no magical potion that will make this any better, and me dwelling on it is certainly making it worse. I am here though, to weather this storm. Did I mention how bad this sucks?

I feel like I’m moving at snail speed. No matter how hard I try, there’s always that one thing that brings me back down to this madness. 

Ever feel like you’re a burden? Well, that’s how I feel….