My Top Eight Guilty Pleasures

So I had a good day yesterday. Wanted to do something different today. So here goes, my top eight guilty Pleasures! These things often give a tiny twinge of guilt on those rare occurences I have time to accomplish them.

1.) Getting Enough Sleep- Sleeping is hard to come by often in my world. I sometimes go days without sleep, other times I sleep almost all day. I miss it, but I just don’t worry over it anymore. I do get sleep, in short spurts. Hour here or there! Sleeping medicines help, but make me feel terrible the next day. Exercise has made me tired, but not until like 5 or 6am. So sleeping in is a huge blessing for me.

2.) Chocolate- Chocolate is number two, simply because what girl wants to live her life chocolate free! I absolutely love chocolate! I have had a bag of caramel Hershey Kisses hidden from the fiance and kids for a month now. It’s shows its affection in return by slightly fluctuating my weight.

3.) Showering in Peace-  This is guilty pleasure #3 for the simple fact that I am a stay at home mom who feels like her kids are in tow at every second of every day. This is usually comes around 3am, after I’ve just gotten home from the gym. I love the peacefulness of listening to the water fall to the bottom of the tub while showering.

4.) Eating Hot Meals- I am one of those mom’s who cooks the same meal for everyone…if the kids don’t like it, they can have a snack after 2 hrs. One of the hardest things is to get a  hot meal. So let’s say I am cooking chicken strips on the Foreman grill. I will nitpick while cooking for everyone, guilty as charged. It’s about the only way I get hot food! This happens on the regular….

5.) Drinking My Coffee in Peace-  By the time morning comes, all I want is a steaming hot cup of joe and to not have 2 kid screaming in my ear. I usually get this twice a week, on the fiance days off. This is both a curse and a blessing. It gives me time to wake up, but the kids a rip roaring and ready to go by the time I am getting good and awake.

6.) Listening to Country Music- Something about listening to country music just hits home with me, like the music speaks to me. Old country, new country; it doesn’t matter to me!  I love it all! Randy Travis and Luke Bryan are two of my favorites. Music has helped me through some of the most difficult times throughout my life. Country music is my go to music when depressed or stressed.

7.) Watching Netflix sans Kids- I love to watch documentaries and educaitonal, nature based shows. Things like Life, Cosmos, and Animal Kingdom. I love to learn new things, even if it is just tidbits of random information. Like did you know that there is a river dolphin in the Amazon Rainforest? It’s called a Boto!

8.)  Reading a Good Book– I love to read a good book! I used to read paperbacks, I do still collect books. But I usually read books on my Kindle Fire. I can rotally get lost in a good book, like read all night long and only feel like it’s been 10 minutes. I see the written text visually in my head. Kinda like watching a movie except I’m reading a book and seeing the details from the book in my mind.

So there are my guilty pleasures, what are yours?

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Playing Catch-up

Yet again, its been several months with no new blog posts. Maybe Im just not cut out to do this blog thing, lol. Oh well…here I go again!

Its been a crazy several months for my household. Since April Ive struggled to stay afloat, it was one thing after another. I had to spend 3 months fighting to get my medical coverage. Then another 6 months fighting some more with our government. Its truly been a hassle, like I expected…

So here I sit, I’ve been medicated for a couple months now. Finally, I am feeling better. I have been down for so long that I had forgotten what it felt like to feel halfway normal.

No one said it would be easy, but man has it been worth it.  

Ive been up and down, cycling so rapidly. The mania is nice, but debilatating too. The depression sucks, getting out of bed is truly a feat some days. But I am glad to see and enjoy the lighter side of life now. 

Bipolar is no joke, thankfully I have a good support system. I know without them, I’d be totally lost. Now, I want and need to get it together. So much has not been a priority in my life. Hoping to get back to a normal flow soon. 

Its been almost a year since I have quilted. I think I need to get back in the  saddle with that again also. That deep hole was awfully dark for far too long. Smiles are abundant, Christmas is right around the corner. I am welcoming each new day. I still have a long road ahead, but each new step is a step in the right direction. 

To my followers, I am sorry I’ve been away again. 

If you’re still with me, chime in.

What are your Christmas plans

It’s Pure Torture: Why it Chose Me…

I don’t have a clue why it chose me, my mental illness…Guess it thought I was strong enough to endure (and yes, I know and am aware that these types of things don’t choose people). I don’t know why it chose me, I’m not as strong as I would like to be. But strong enough to endure this mess, I guess, and that takes a really strong person. So yeah, in a sense I guess you could say I am strong! 

Strong enough to endure all the trials and tribulations that have led me to this point in my life. Strong enough to endure being an orphan as a child, strong enough to endure the numerous counts of molestation. Strong enough to endure the countless mood swings and the not so fun insecurities of being mentally ill. Strong enough to endure the never ending, non stop roller coaster of emotions that come with my illness. 

 So although I feel weak, there is strength buried deep within…

I just have to push through this moment and overcome! I will overcome all this madness that life likes to throw at me. Doesn’t mean my life’s easy, nothing worth doing is ever easy! I do it so I can be there for all those who need me, mainly my kids and my family.  Without them, I am not sure where I would be. 

I am strong enough! I love my life, and everything that it entails!

Here’s to the strongest people I know, to those who fight the daily struggle to adapt and overcome your own thoughts! Those who get up every day to keep fighting something that so badly makes your want to give up. I’m not one to give up, I may take a step back. But I refuse to let my illness win! 

So here’s why my mental illness chose me. It chose me because I am a person who no matter how hard things get, I won’t quit! It chose me because, ya know what, life throws you lemons sometimes. It chose me because I am a strong enough! It chose me because….I’m not really sure! But I am blessed! No matter how you look at life, remember you are blessed.

So no matter what I think, say, or do….

I am strong and I am enough! 
 

Post Vacation Blues: Why I Hate My Mental Illness

So we have been home for 3 days now, today was back to work day for the fiance. I am struggling with the silence, wishing life had a rewind. I was so ready to come home by Saturday, now I am wishing I had lived up the vacation more.  I kept thinking about all the things I wanted to do, but by the time we got to the last 2 days I was not functioning properly. So not much got done, although we did have a nice cookout the day before we left.

I was also so exhausted, ever tried sleeping somewhere new and not being able to sleep? Well that is exactly what happened. I slept a total of maybe 30 hours while we were gone. That’s like 5 hrs a night!

I was up all night the day before we left so excited to be leaving, and also up all night the night before we left for home. I was extremely excited to get home! Irony at its finest, right! I am so upset that I feel like we missed out on 2 days of our vacation because of me…

I hate having a mental illness! Although it is a common occurrence now, mental illness is still rarely talked about… See the infographic below from NAMI, also go to their website to view the full infographic. Mental illness is still something that takes away even the most insignificant things. It also can become a serious life-changer for those unable to receive treatment…


Image result for mental health infographics for blogs


I feel like I have robbed my entire family of what should’ve been a great time because of my own issues. I feel like a failure for taking away something that was intended to be a joyous time. I feel like I should have been happy, yet I feel like my illness robbed me of my vacation. The incident with the car set me into overdrive, which I think played a big factor into all my emotions while there.

Everyone had a great time though, or so they say!

Now I sit here wishing and wondering what I could’ve done differently! I know in my mind I should be grateful, but how do you let the bad thoughts outweigh the good when everything  seems to have gone so wrong. I guess with all the hustle and bustle over, I am feeling pretty down on myself. Hoping and praying I could feel and get better, but knowing that isn’t possible.

So today I hate my mental illness for making me feel like poo….For making me feel like nothing I do is ever good enough. For making me miss out on so many good and wonderful opportunities.

Now if you’d ask my kids and fiance if the vacation was a success, they would all tell you yes. That they had a great time! I don’t know why I let my mind get the better of me when I am sitting in silence. But it happens every time!

So how do I overcome these emotions? Well, it usually takes a finite amount of positive praise for me to feel like everything that I’ve done hasn’t been an epic failure…Thankfully my fiance is great at knowing just what to say to make me feel better!  So as I sit here talking to him via Facebook. I realize that everything was a success and that he is proud of how things turned out.

Sometimes I have to get my own head out of my own head too. This is usually accomplished by an extreme exercise routine or quilting. So as I sit here realizing it isn’t as bad as I think it is, I feel more at ease. This vacation destination was my idea,  now he can’t wait to get to go to his vacation destination.

So how do you overcome negative self-talk and/or emotions?

 

 

A-Z about Me

So today has been extremely busy for me, and tomorrow looks to be much of the same. I just wanted to post a fun post. So here are a few quick, quirky, and fun facts about me.

 

A- I can be annoying at times.
B- I am a basic person. All I need is the basics and I’m good.
C- I am crazy.
D- I am defiant at times.
E- I am eccentric 99% of the time.
F- I am a best friend to few but friends with all.
G- I am guarded to most everyone.
H- I am a honest person, sometimes too honest.
I- I am interested in new things.
J- I am just.
K- I am kind, until you do me wrong or mess with my kids.
L- I am very lenient with my kids.
M- I am a muncher, I chew things excessively.
N- I am not narrow-minded.
O- I love Obsidian!
P- I am a parent & a partner.
Q- I am quiet around new people.
R- I am rambunctious.
S- I am strange, I can’t stand to have my food touching on a plate.
T- I am trustworthy.
U- I am understanding.
V- I am veracious.
W- I am weird.
X- I love the sound of a xylophone.
Z- I love the smell of a Zippo lighter.

So that is all I have for you today! But in closing, I would like to let you know that I will be doing a  5 day series on Anger Management. That series will be starting next Monday, 8/15.