News Flash: Moving is No Fun!!

I know it’s been a while but I hate moving!! And I feel like I have just spent the better part of the past 2 weeks moving, in 90 degree heat. I went from 3,300 sq ft to 864 sq ft…. It has been a hard transition for all of us but we are managing. I started working well over 3 weeks ago too, so that has started taking up a substantial amount of my time. It sucks but such is life. It has to be done. I can and will not let my boys down. They need me now more than ever. My mental health has been all over the place the past few weeks with all the changes happening in my life right not. I hate change also!!

I don’t do well when my routine changes. This past month has been especially hard. It is just so hard accepting that the whole way my life plays out has changed. I am glad to say that things are ever-changing. I love the way our life used to be! But without change nothing is ever going to get better. We had to make changes for ourselves as well as our children. The fear of change will hold you back more than anything. I am scared but we have to move forward.

I hope and wish on a star that things will work out in our relationship but I am just so uncertain at this moment. I am glad to say that we are working on us as individuals as well as a couple. But this is not an overnight fix. I need time to assess our situation after such a drastic change in our lives. We both have wants and desires that are not being fulfilled. This is a huge aspect of our relationship that we are working on. We need to be individuals as well as a couple.

Loving someone with a mental illness is a daily challenge. I can honestly say that I am most hard to handle sometimes. It is part of who I am! I wished there were certain things about me that I could change but I can’t. So this is where you must decide to love me through it all or not at all.

I hope that you will forgive me for my absence recently. I am sort of settled into the new place, and I have cable internet now… Soooo I am back!!

 

 

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Everlasting Love

So you ever just felt a connection with someone from the first minute you meet them? You just know that this is the person you were meant to find your whole life….Well I found him! He’s a great guy! He’s funny, smart, and handsome. He’s a great father! But all things aside, what happens when Mr. Perfect isn’t so perfect for you anymore? Do you stay and work it out, or leave and hope that you can be amicable for the kids?  This is my current situation….

I thought everything was fine! Turns out he was actually very miserable on the inside and just didn’t know how to tell me. So now it’s day 4 without him; I’m not sure if I’m more hurt, sad, or relieved? Do you really think it’s possible to pick yourself up off the ground this quickly? Especially after you feel like your heart has been ripped out of your chest and stomped on? I wonder if subconsciously I needed the same relief? I thought everything was semi-ok….yes we’ve been having a few issues the past year or so but I had no idea it was this bad. I always chalked it up to my psychotic mind! Or meds needing to be adjusted slightly….

Now here I sit, alone and lonely. Trying to be strong for my boys while emotionally I feel so broken! I’ve had my fair share of tears come lately, and ya know what? I’ve realized I’m better and stronger than this! I can do this, he thinks I can’t but surely he will be surprised to see my rock this sheer insanity! I’m a survivor, after all I’ve been through, and I will pick up the pieces and move on. It may take me several months to get back right and stable on my own two feet again, but I promise you one things for sure. You can’t hold down a determined woman, and especially a Mother!

Love has a way of blinding you! It makes it impossible to see all those small imperfections that drive you insane. I am not sure that I wanted this but possibly I needed it. I’m not saying I’m glad he’s gone, in fact I’m more miserable than I have been in a while! You don’t go from living with and loving someone of 5 years to instantly hating them. I can’t even fathom hating him. He’s been the most wonderful thing to ever happen to me. But it had become apparent that we just can’t live together. He saved us from the darkest depths of hell!! But alas, a promise that did not mean enough to him and has now shattered me…Promising someone forever is now not a saying that I will ever believe again.

 

So how do you cope after a break-up?

Mad and crying, or rearing to go and ready to move on?

 

Finding Time, Making a Life

Busy much? I know I am but that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t make time. You should make time for your kids, time for your spouse,  and most importantly time for yourself. I know this is easier said than done. We find ourselves wrapped up in work, school, cleaning, yard work, and the other tasks of life. Often we forget that there are people who need, want, and crave our attention. My kids get most unruly when I dont spend enough time with them. Okay, yes I am a stay at home mom. So you say, “How is this possible?” Well I have a life to keep up with, kids to chase, work to do, cleaning to be done, food to be cooked, and school to do with the kids.

Making time for yourself and your spouse should also be equally important. My fiance has a crazy work schedule. It’s 5:23 am, and here we sit together spending time with each other. It doesn’t have to be any sense of normal. I’ve slept 3 hours tonight and will sleep 3 more this afternoon. I chose to spend time with him whenever I can. You see I was up half the night, til 1am, taking time for myself after the kids went to bed. This is how we choose to live our life. We have an extremely odd schedule, yes. We school first thing in the morning, usually starts at 10 and done by 2.Oh, the joys of homeschooling. Then I nap or work, it just depends. After that, it’s kid time. Then, when they are in bed, I have more work time to do blog things and such.

I have to pick my battles daily. These battles aren’t very major and seem petty but to me having a life and raising my kids is very important to me. So some days the dishes don’t get done, others schoolwork is not done, other days we just Netflix and chill and nothing gets done. I chose to spend time with the people who mean the most to me. There’s a quote that always hit home with me, “Don’t get so busy making a living that you forget to make a life!”

This hits home with me, I need to be involved in my own life. Don’t get so busy making money, cleaning the house, doing other thing and forget to make memories. Memories that will last a lifetime; these things are what is important. I’m glad I have the opportunity to be so involved. I give many thanks to my fiance! Love you’re family! It’s free, and is very valuable to them. Make the time! Even if it’s only a couple of hours. Some things can be left for tomorrow; our kids and spouse need us today.

Hope you have a wonderful day!